Musical Romantics

Brittany-Rose stared across her music class at her best friend Jake who was sitting on a table alone strumming a guitar. She was supposed to be working on her end of term assignment –a 4 note song from the lesson booklet– but she couldn’t help but notice that Jake was struggling with his song. Brittany-Rose knew that if she didn’t help him that her mind wouldn’t let her rest until she had; shutting the lid to the piano she went up behind him listening for a few bars.  “You’re lying through your teeth and you forget that I can tell; believing you is the difference between heaven and hell….oh crap” he swore before strumming the note again. “Gaaah” he groaned as Brittany laughed. “Are you sure you don’t want to learn something simpler?” she asked sitting down next to him. Jake looked at her; puzzled. “How do you do it?” he asked; piercing her with his deep brown eyes. Brittany-Rose turned away before a blush slowly crept up her neck. “Do what?” she asked softly taking the guitar and tuning it correctly. “That!” he said pointing to the guitar, “I can’t get it at all”. Brittany-Rose laughed. “I have been playing for a while” she reminded him. “Anyway; what about you with the piano?” she said glancing towards the offending instrument. “I can’t get it at all. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s not a song I’m interested in or –“Jake suddenly stopped her by putting his hand on hers. “Start over” he simply, “Find a song that you actually love. That reminds you of everything you’ve dreamed of; the song that makes you think of…” Jake dropped off; clearing his throat, a little red. Brittany-Rose was lost in thought, ‘oh my goodness; he’s talking about me, finally; after all these years’. Both friends were so busy lost in thoughts that neither of them noticed the bell ring and Jake’s twin Heather walk into the room. “Hey Guys” she said smiling as her two best friends jumped and blushed.

Brittany-Rose hadn’t told Heather about her crush on Jake. A crush that had been there since Freshman year. There was one simple reason for this. Jake and Heather had been her best friends since kindergarten. She didn’t want to ruin everything she had ever known. ‘And besides’ she reasoned with herself ‘I never had reason until now to believe that he liked me back’ she blushed as she followed her best friends out the door and towards their normal spot under a tree where Brittany’s other best friend Ellie waited. Ellie was the only other person who knew about her crush on Jake. Just as they got to the tree, a guy Jake knew – Tyler – called Jake to him to help finish off some math homework. Brittany-Rose glanced at Ellie and knew that she needed to tell Heather before something happened. “Heather?” she said glancing up at her oldest friend. Heathers brown eyes that were exactly like her brothers looked curiously into Brittany’s blue ones. Brittany-Rose took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you years ago…See; I kinda have a crush on Jake” she got out in a rush. “I’ve liked him since Freshman year; and I never wanted to tell you and hurt you…but now it looks like he might like me back”. The blonde paused before scooting closer to her friend; “I would never do anything if it meant you being hurt…but this would mean so much if it did happen” she said softly into her ear. Both Brittany-Rose and Ellie stared at Heather waiting for an answer. Heather pushed her jet black hair out of her face and took a deep breath. “Okay, Okay I’ll talk to him” she said leaning over and hugging the blonde who was unable to see the pain on both girls’ faces.

Heather had a class by herself that period. Maths was her best subject so she was placed in a higher class than her brother and Brittany-Rose. Which was good right now; she needed to think. Needless to say Heather was quite happy when she got there to discover a substitute who just handed her a sheet of paper with the work to complete by the end of the 70 minute block. Heather began working and within five minutes she was on autopilot – allowing her to think about the situation that she had allowed herself to get in the middle of.  Here was a secret that nobody knew about Heather – well, Jake knew half of it – Heather was a lesbian. That wasn’t the big part though. The big part was that Heather was in love with Brittany-Rose. She had known she loved the girl from the moment she met her in kindergarten. In fact; Jake and Heather never told Brittany this; but the reason that the twins started talking to Brittany was because Heather had whispered to her brother on the first day that she looked like a beautiful princess and could she marry her one day? But Jake never knew how much her feelings for the blonde had continued to grow over the years. Heather smiled at the memory. But now Heather had to do something that would tear her heart apart. Heather had to face facts that it looked like her two best friends were going to be together;  She knew she would gladly take the ache in her heart that would stab her like a knife whenever her friends looked at her as long as it meant her brother and Brittany-Rose were happy. She would do the right thing and tell her brother that she knew that he liked the blonde. She would satisfy herself with being as much as the blonde would allow her to be.

Jake zoomed out of his math class that he shared with Brittany-Rose and headed quickly for the small study room at the back of the library where he and his sister spent their spare periods together. Not even three minutes later she was sitting across from him pulling out her Math homework as a cover if a teacher happened to come in and ask what they were doing. Jake stopped his sister as she opened her mouth, “I need to talk to you about something” he said quickly. Heather’s mouth closed and she nodded for him to continue. “I think…No; I know…that I like someone” he said as an involuntary smile crossed his face. Heather’s face was unreadable as she waited for him to tell her who it was. “And after a conversation I had with her recently I’m pretty damn sure she likes me too”. Jake lowered his voice as his sister leaned closer. “I think she was going to kiss me, if Britt hadn’t texted me at that exact second” he laughed. Heather’s face changed. “So; who is it already?” she said – a strange tone to her voice. Jake looked up; shaken out of his daydream. “Ellie” he said simply.

Heather’s mind was whirling. So it wasn’t Brittany-Rose he liked. Her heart leapt and then as fast as it leapt it fell again. ‘Poor girl’ she thought to herself. Her brother sat back in his chair, “So what do I do? I was kinda too embarrassed to bring Britt into it to be honest, she’d sit here teasing me instead of giving any advice” he laughed with a bit of embarrassment in the laugh. Heather thought for a few moments. ‘I have to tell him something; If I tell him not to do anything Brittany will think me talking to her is a yes then he’ll have to reject her then everything will suck – at least if I’m the one to tell her about them I can comfort her and she won’t be alone that way, and I get to hold her as much as she needs…we all win’ she thought to herself.  “Don’t do anything just yet. No need to make things awkward between the whole group if it doesn’t work the way we think it’s going to” she said calmly to her brother although her heart was racing. “Let me go talk to her right now; then if it all works out I can take Britt away at lunch and you two can talk” Heather said getting up and walking towards the opposite end of the library before her brother had a chance to object.

Ellie had just finished her daily assessment when there was a knock at the door. She glanced up and saw Heather standing there, a look of urgency on her face. “I’m sorry to interrupt Mrs. Trales but Ellie needs to go to the office; and take her bag” she said sounding official. The elderly teacher nodded without a second thought and Ellie packed up her stuff before following Heather into one of their secret spots (an empty janitor’s closet on the fourth floor that nobody used) and sitting down against the door. “What’s up?” Ellie said sitting against the opposite year. Heather took a deep breath. “I saw your face when she told me she liked him” Heather admitted. The girls weren’t that close – they tended to see each other as a threat when it came to Brittany-Rose. “You like him don’t you?” she asked tenderly looking the shorter girl in her hazel eyes. Ellie stared Heather, willing herself to deny it. But she couldn’t so she nodded simply. “What’s the point though? You know how it’s going to turn out…and besides – even if it was me; wouldn’t it be wrong to betray her like that?” Ellie asked. Heather nodded. “I do know how it’s going to turn out yes; but…No it would not be betraying her; you’d be following your heart, if that were the case Britt would understand and accept it. She’d be hurt yes; but she’d accept it because she loves you – like I know you’d do for her” Heather said before getting up off the floor. “Wait; is that all you wanted?” Ellie asked standing up herself. “Pretty much – just to let you know I’m here if you need a friend” Heather smiled before opening the door and walking out.

As Brittany-Rose left her science class she felt her phone vibrate with a message. It was Heather telling her to meet her behind the old music block at the back of the school. As Brittany went to turn around she saw Jake and Ellie sitting under their tree; so she decided to go quickly up there to make sure they got Heather’s message too. As she neared closer she realized that they were sitting incredibly close. When she was about five metres away she saw Jake push a strand of Ellie’s hair away from her face before a guy from her music class yelled out “Brittany! Look out!” In slow motion; Jake and Ellie looked up at her as a football hit her in the back of the head. Brittany-Rose stumbled; catching herself as Jake started to say something. “I’m okay; I came to tell you that Heather…oh never mind” she said before the pain settled in; tears came to her eyes and turning on her heel and sprinting away to find Heather; leaving Jake and Ellie in silence behind her.

As Brittany saw Heather she sped up and pretty much flew into her open arms. Heather had guessed that she knew. The tears on her face pretty much confirmed that. Heather let them sink onto the floor, holding Brittany tightly, her lips on her head. “Shh; it’s all gonna be okay” she whispered. They didn’t talk. There was nothing to say. Heather knew exactly how Brittany-Rose was feeling. Suddenly as the bell rung Brittany-Rose sat up “Wait; you knew?” she said. Heather looked at her puzzled. “I don’t know exactly what happened but he told me last period he was planning on doing something about it; that’s why I texted you” Brittany stared at her again; with an unreadable expression on her face. “Jake said that he’s liked her for…a few months at least and that he had his signal; that he had to do something; I’m sorry you had to find out like-“ she faltered as Brittany glared at her;  “what?” “I didn’t know that he liked her…I was crying because I was in pain because a freaking football hit me in the head, and I ran to you because it hurt…because I felt silly for crying in front of them…so wait; I interrupted…” Brittany-Rose had tears in her eyes and she looked at the roof, willing herself not to cry. Heather tried to close the gap between them “I’m so sorry” she whispered to her friend as Brittany-Rose shook her head. “Don’t…can you; can you just go please? I don’t care what excuse you give Miss James, I’m just gonna stay in here this double – nobody will be here anyway” she said glaring at her friend. Heather nodded and backed out of the room as Brittany sunk against the floor again; sobbing to herself.

Heather got to class to find an anxious Jake waiting for her. “Did it work?” she asked him. He shook his head. “Britt came up…Hey; where is she? I wanted to tell her before she finds out from someone else”. He said softly so nobody else heard. “She’s just had a rough day – she just needs to be alone”. Heather said to him and he nodded before the door opened. “Heather – take these to the office and photocopy them” Miss James said to her. Heather nodded and walked away as the rest of the class shuffled in. The teacher started calling the roll and when she got to Brittany-Rose’s name she paused looking around for the girl before the guy that threw the football at her head spoke up “I saw her in the old practice rooms during lunch” he volunteered. The teacher nodded as Jake turned and glared at the boy. “Jake; could you go and see if she’s still there please?” Jake nodded but as he got up he said “I heard her say to Heather that she wasn’t feeling well so she might have signed out” he said leaving the room and walking the six-hundred metres to the music room where he could hear the strumming of a guitar. He snuck into the room and saw Brittany playing a melody and singing.

“She said; I was seven and you were nine
I looked at you like the stars that shined
In the sky; the pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
growing up and falling in love
and our mamma's smiled
and rolled their eyes
and said 'oh my my my'

take me back to the house in the backyard tree
said you'd beat me up you were bigger than me
you never did; you never did
take me back when our world was one block wide
I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried
just two kids you and I
oh my my my my....

Drew looks at me I fake a smile so he won't see
that I want and I'm needing - everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful; that girl he talks about
and she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me; I laugh cause it's so damn funny
that I can't even see; anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love
he's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
he's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough and he's all that I need to fall into

I'll be eighty-seven you'll be eighty-nine; I'll still look at you like the stars that shined
in the lights oh my my my...my

As soon as the last note played out Brittany-Rose burst into fresh tears getting up and falling against the wall collapsing and folding herself up in her own arms. The room was dark enough so that Jake could walk to her if he wanted to. But something told him to stay back. Brittany-Rose sat there crying for at least another minute before Jake understood fully what was going on; what that mash-up meant; and why Brittany wasn’t in class. As he turned to leave his friend in peace the door slammed behind him alerting her to his presence. “I’m fine” she said quickly; turning her head away from him. “Seriously; I’m just tired” she said, unaware that Jake knew that she wasn’t okay. Jake wanted to leave her; he didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness that would come with him knowing this information, her suffering through watching him and Ellie and Heather choosing Brittany’s friendship so that the girl wasn’t alone. Anything he said in these next minutes could ruin their entire lives as they’d known it. But on the other hand – Brittany was his best friend (besides Heather). Brittany was the one who’d taught him to play guitar, who had slept over his house for a week while Heather was in the hospital with appendicitis. She was the one who’d been there for every moment the twins needed that they couldn’t tell each other, and every other moment too. They were like triplets. He couldn’t just leave her alone like that. ‘Heather could comfort her’ a selfish thought popped into his head ‘You could pretend to know nothing of this; let Heather deal with it all and pretend to never see the pain when she looks at you and Ellie’. Deep down though Jake knew he could never do that; and for one reason – His sister loved Brittany-Rose more than anything; he couldn’t allow his sister to have to comfort the girl she loved because somebody else didn’t love her back. So with that thought in mind he strode over to the girl and plopped down beside her and without saying a word pushed her head gently onto his shoulder and allowed her to cry.  She didn’t need to know that he knew and he didn’t need to say anything but allow her a small piece of comfort.

That was how Heather found them ten minutes later when their annoyed teacher assumed that they were mucking up or fooling around and sent Heather to get them. Jake looked up at her and she knew that he knew everything. That Brittany-Rose liked him, how much she loved Brittany; everything. She sat down on the other side and pulled Brittany against her chest, smoothing her hair away from her face and holding her hand. She nodded for her brother to leave and knew he’d say something to the teacher when he got back. Heather let the smaller girl cry and continued to hold her until she stopped. Brittany-Rose then looked up at her, tears welling in her eyes and her cheeks wet with tears. Heather gently thumbed the tears away and let Brittany-Rose’s blue eyes stare into hers, before (unable to resist any longer) she tucked the girls hair behind her ear and softly kissed her lips. Brittany –Rose was stunned but found herself kissing Heather back before pulling away harshly. “What the hell?” she said loudly before pulling herself to standing position. Heather stared at her, visibly upset. “I’m sorry okay? You just….I wanted to make it better” she whispered, tears filling her own eyes. “By kissing me? What the hell did you think I’d do then? I’m not gay, and I know I’ve never said or done anything to make you think so” she shot back at the taller girl. Heather fought for control of her voice “I’m sorry – I just…I wasn’t even inside my own head. You just looked so vulnerable and beautiful that I just couldn’t resist any-“Heather trailed off as Brittany-Rose stared at her; an unreadable look in her eye. “any what?” she said sounding and looking more and more upset…or maybe scared by the second. “Any longer; Brittany-Rose I am so sorry” she said. Brittany-Rose stepped back “How long?” she asked. Heather shook her head. “Heather how long have you had these feelings for me?” she demanded loudly as she stepped backwards again as Heather tried to approach. “Since Kindergarten” Heather said. “That was why Jake and I became your friend”. Brittany-Rose shook her head and ran out the door towards her car and leaving the school in a hurry.    

 The days flew by for Heather. Brittany-Rose barely spoke to anyone. Heather would catch the blonde staring at her, but as soon as she tried to smile, Brittany-Rose would turn away, or worse; look like she was about to cry. She was still pretending to Jake and Ellie that nothing was wrong and that she was perfectly happy with them being together. Jake knew otherwise, but he didn’t want to tell Ellie that Brittany-Rose was in pain. He knew that all his girlfriend would do was worry. That was pointless. Jake didn’t try to ask either girl what had happened between them.  He had guessed that Heather had told Brittany-Rose her true feelings. Brittany-Rose seemed too angry whenever Ellie even mentioned her name to bring up the topic and Heather just looked like she wanted to cry whenever Brittany-Rose looked at her.

Another week later (still with no communication at all between Heather and Brittany-Rose) it was the day before graduation. Jake decided today he had to talk to Brittany. He took her into the old practice room where he first discovered her feelings almost a month ago.  They sat at the piano desk together. Jake opened his mouth, “I know how much it kills you about Ellie and I” he said in a rush. “I heard your mash-up of ‘Mary’s Song/Teardrops On My Guitar’ that day. I never wanted to tell you I knew because I knew you’d run into Heather’s arms instead of mine.” He looked at her apologetically. He couldn’t begin to understand the pain and confusion his (surrogate) sister was going through. Surprisingly enough Brittany-Rose just shrugged. “What does it matter now? You’ve got Ellie; you’re happy” she said, pasting a smile that almost looked real on her face. Jake shook his head at her. “Heather told you didn’t she? That’s why you’re not talking to her?” he asked softly. Brittany-Rose stared at the keys for a few minutes before slowly admitting defeat and nodding her head.  “You can’t go on being afraid your entire life Britt-Britt. Or hating Heather your entire life. You love her too much”. He stood up. “Do what you need to do before it’s too late”. Jake left the room in order to give Brittany-Rose to think.

That night Brittany-Rose had a dream. Well; more like a flashback. She was back in Kindergarten. It looked like they were setting up for rest time. The teenage Brittany-Rose stood at the front of the room as she watched herself, the twins and their classmates find their beds. The five year old Brittany-Rose started to make her normal bed in between Heather and Jake’s beds, giggling with Heather as a voice rung out loudly through the room “Brittany-Rose Jackson!” the voice boomed. The older Brittany-Rose looked up and shuddered as the teacher came closer. ‘Miss Robertson’ she thought. ‘I wondered whatever happened to that old hag’ the teacher stormed towards Brittany-Rose and picked up the cot. “I’ve had enough of your mucking around! As a punishment you can sleep in my office today”. The younger Brittany started crying, a sign of one of her panic attacks beginning. The assistant; a timid loving lady who the children simply knew as “Rosalie” stepped forward. “Analyse, I don’t think that’s a good idea” she said timidly as Jake held Brittany-Rose’s hand. “And why not Rosalie?” the teacher asked towering over the woman. Rosalie cleared her throat. “Because you are the assistant teacher today; Janette put me in charge, and Brittany-Rose has always slept in between the twins. Unless you’d like to watch her have a panic attack?” Rosalie snapped back at the older woman. “That’s not my problem now is it?” she said, carrying the cot and taking it away from the other children. In a low voice only so that both the five year old and the teenage Brittany-Rose could hear she said “This is to show your mother that you’re just a spoilt brat trying to get her own way!” she said shutting the office door behind Brittany-Rose.

Brittany-Rose listened to her five year old self scream. She didn’t remember this day at all. Brittany-Rose screamed and screamed and screamed. The teenage Brittany-Rose could see Rosalie trying to work out a way to get the child out of the office without risking her job and Miss Robertson pushing through to prove her theory. Finally it was twelve-thirty and Miss Robertson stretched her legs and told Rosalie she was going on her lunch. As soon as the door shut and behind the woman Rosalie opened the office door to Brittany-Rose who was still crying and screaming. Most of the kindergarten children were asleep but Heather ran over to her friend cuddling her.  The teenage Brittany-Rose felt her heart melt at this friendship. “Rosalie? Can Britt-Britt come sleep next to me? I promise we won’t muck up again.”                                                                                                            Rosalie looked at the girls. “You weren’t mucking up at all darlings. Of course you can”. Rosalie put the cot next to Heather’s and Jake’s. “Do you want me to pat you both?” she asked kneeling down besides the girls. “No, I’ll hold Britt-Britt’s hand until she falls asleep” Heather said confidently. Rosalie pushed the three cots together. “Shhhh, go to sleep darlings” she whispered before walking into the office to make a call. The last thing she saw before picking up the phone was Heather kissing Brittany-Rose’s cheek before both girls closed their eyes and fell asleep.

Suddenly Brittany-Rose woke up. She remembered that day clear as anything now. The girls had woken up to Miss Robertson picking Brittany-Rose up and yelling at her for wetting her sheets. Suddenly the principal was in the room yelling at Miss Robertson and telling her to leave. Heather had cuddled Brittany-Rose all afternoon, not even letting Jake near her. That night Brittany-Rose had gone home to the twins’ house where for the first time Heather had told her she loved her as they were going to sleep. Brittany-Rose jumped out of bed knowing that she had to talk to Heather before the day was out.

Unfortunately the traffic towards the school was that horrible that Brittany-Rose ended up parking in their friend’s driveway a few streets away and walking the kilometre or so to the school. Then as she got to school the bell rung meaning that all the seniors had to go to the hall to practice for the graduation ceremony. Which meant that because the twins’ surname was ‘Barnes’ and Brittany-Rose was ‘Robertson’ that the girls wouldn’t get a chance to talk until after the rehearsal, but before the graduation itself. Brittany-Rose tapped her foot impatiently as the teachers lectured about appropriate behaviour, not calling out; stuff eight-graders already knew. As soon as the teachers dismissed them Brittany-Rose ran outside to find Heather. She could see Jake and Ellie talking near the canteen, but decided to walk around herself to find Heather. Brittany-Rose checked in all their usual hangouts; the tree where they sat, the library, the closet on the third floor and finally the old music rooms.

There she saw Heather waiting for her. Brittany-Rose cleared her throat. “Hey Hun” she said nervously. “How’d you know?” Heather said softly turning towards her. Brittany-Rose smiled at her oldest friend. “It’s me; of course I know”. The two girls stared at each other, both unsure of what to say next. “I’m sorry” Heather suddenly says. “I shouldn’t have kissed you”. Brittany-Rose shook her head. “No; you shouldn’t have.” She agreed walking towards the other girl. Heather’s face dropped and she looked away. “But I’m really glad you did” she offered sitting next to her. Heather turned to stare at the blonde. “What?” she said shocked. Brittany-Rose took a deep breath before telling her about the dream she’d had of them. When she finished Heather stared at her. “And that’s what made you realize you loved me?” she whispered. Brittany-Rose blushed and looked down at her shoes. “Maybe” she offered shyly. Heather slowly moved to put her hand on the blonde’s hand. Right as their fingers connected the bell rang. Brittany-Rose stood up offering her hand to her best friend. “Won’t, won’t people think stuff?” Heather asked as she took the smaller hand. Brittany-Rose shrugged. “What? That I’m holding my girlfriend’s hand? Who cares” she said leading Heather out of the classroom. “It doesn’t matter anymore” she said laughing and kissing Heather’s cheek. Heather blushed and smiled as she walked beside her girlfriend to the gym.