A Prequel to Memories and Futures

Marissa braided her hair nervously. Grace caught her eye and smiled. Jenny ran over to Marissa. “finally”. Marissa laughed. “yeah, I know” she said understanding. Grace came over, and they hugged. “You came!!” Grace squealed. Marissa laughed, “yeah” she said. Abbey came over “Lets go and sit down” she suggested. Marissa nodded and walked over to a spot near the bonfire. Abbey, Grace and Jenny followed. Marissa knew that they would have a good time tonight, all their friends were there, and apparently their old friend Kay was coming to celebrate their graduation. Their meaning her, Sean, Drew and Kostos. Grace, Abbey, Jenny, Lucy, Rachael and a few of the others were there for the unofficial goodbye. Marissa could see Lucy, Rachael and some of the others talking a few feet away. She hadn't seen Sean yet. Marissa, sat with the girls talking and laughing, Sean was right, this was fun. Jenny glanced up above them and then glanced back down. Grace smiled at something above her head. Marissa went to glance up, feeling puzzled. But before she could, someone grabbed her. “Boo!” Marissa turned, “Sean!” she gasped, trying to catch her breath. Sean and the others laughed and Marissa smiled. She glanced at her friend, but he was staring at Grace. She nodded to herself and Abbey caught her eye.  Sean sat down with them. Rachael ran over, “Jenny! Come take a photo for us?” she asked. Jenny nodded and got up. “Abbey, come be in the photo?” Lucy called, probably thinking she was helping. Abbey didn't even glance at Marissa, she ran off. Marissa glanced back at Grace and Sean. Grace was looking at Marissa with a 'help me' expression. Sean was looking at Grace. Then Sean's mum Ashley came out, “Marissa, want to give me a hand”? Marissa smiled gratefully, “yeah”. Jenny ran back and came with them.

In the kitchen Ashley. Jenny and Marissa laid out food and plates, cups and drinks. One of Marissa's favorite songs “Teardrops on My Guitar” came on, so she started singing it, without thinking “he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart, he's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do, Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see”. Marissa came out of her daze to find Ashley and Jenny staring at her. “Oh! Did I sing that?” she asked blushing. Ashley smiled. “That was good” and Jenny nodded, “Sing something else” she said. Marissa thought. “um.... okay... chuck me out with the waste, this is not what I do, its the wrong kind of place, to be thinking of you, its the wrong time, if somebody knew, its a small crime, but I've got no excuse, is that alright with you, to put my gun away when its loaded? Is that alright with you? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that alright with you?”  “wow” Marissa whirled around, Sean and Grace were standing there. Marissa faked a smile, “How does the rest go?” Sean asked. “It's the same, except with one or two words difference, and then chorus repeat” Lucy said coming in. “Yeah, its a great song” Marissa said. Drew and Kostos came in, “What's a great song?” “Nine Crimes” Marissa says softly. Drew shrugged. “Don't know it”. Marissa nodded. “Can we hear something else?” Grace asked. Marissa nodded, and took a breath “you have a way of coming easily to me, and when you take you take the very best of me, so I start a fight, cause I need to feel something, you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted” Marissa sung. The others clapped, and Marissa smiled shyly. They all went back outside again. Lucy, Rachael, Abbey, Kostos, and Jenny started talking with her, but Marissa's eyes were on Grace and Sean who had walked around the corner, talking. Then Rachael got a text “Kay can't come” she informed the others. “I'll tell Sean” Marissa volunteered. She walked off around the corner, and saw Sean hug Grace. Then Sean drew back, but kept his arms on Grace. Marissa knew what was going to happen, but at that point she couldn't turn away. Sean stepped in again, but this time leaned his face into Grace's and kissed her. Marissa gasped, it felt like someone had stabbed her. She turned and fled back to the others. When Rachael asked her if she told Sean she just shrugged, “I didn't want to interrupt” she said. 'well' she thought. 'it was the truth'. Sean and Grace came back a few minutes later and Rachael told him about Kay. Grace came over to Marissa. “He kissed me” she whispered excitedly. Marissa nodded, pretending to smile as Sean came over and sat with them.

Marissa must have been invisible because Sean wrapped his arms around Grace and just sat there with her, when Grace finally looked Marissa's way, she had disappeared. “You told her?” Sean asked. Grace nodded but didn't say anything. Rachael and Jenny came over, so Sean got up to go and look for Marissa. When he asked Lucy if she had seen Marissa she nodded and pointed down near the pond. Marissa was sitting there, hugging herself. He walked casually down and sat down with her. She didn't say anything for a few minutes then she turned to him, “I saw you kiss her” she whispers. Sean nods, “I figured as much” he says. They sit there for a few more minutes and then Marissa goes to collapse onto Sean who pushed her off him. “For heaven's sake Marissa, get over it” he says. Marissa stares at him in shock. “Its not the end of the world...You knew I was going to kiss her, so there's no need to get so upset over it, you know that I don't like you and that I never would. But no, you still insist on being annoying, and clingy, and you insist on bitching to Grace about how much I left you out...yeah she told me that, she hates it...” Sean stopped, and Marissa burst into tears. “Maybe it would be better if I went home” she whispered. Sean nods, “Maybe you should” he says coldly. Marissa ran off and hopped into her car before driving off. Sean sat there trying to collect his thoughts, but Lucy and Kostos came before he could think anything.

The next day Grace rung him, “So you got what you wanted?” she asked. Sean laughed “Yeah” he said. He wanted to say something about it being good, but he didn't know how to. They talked for a few minutes and then Sean decided to mention going out. Grace hesitated. “You know I want to, but...Yeah” she finished lamely. Sean got it, Grace didn't know what her parents would say, they didn't think she was ready for a boyfriend. “And what about Marissa? Doesn't she matter to you?” Grace asked. Sean was puzzled. “What do you mean?” he asked. “I mean she really likes you, and I know you know that, but you really want to hurt her like this?” Grace said. Sean ran his hand through his hair. “She'll be okay” he said. Grace stayed silent. “I mean, we can't hold off what we might have because of her.” Sean tried to reason. “Apparently you've been leaving her out ever since we became better friends. You know that she's the reason we did become better friends, and what? Now that you have what you want, you're going to completely forget her?” Grace said, sounding angry. Sean lost it then “I've tried to include her, and all I get is complaints that I don't pay any attention to her, that all my attention is on you. She's just overreacting and playing everything up in her head that I hate her, or that I like you more than I care for her, I told you what she was doing, and I get this in return?” Sean said angrily. “Don't take it out on me, I'm just saying how Marissa feels, I thought – well we thought – that you cared about her feelings, and that you wanted to be able to make her feel okay” Grace snapped. “I tried to find a way to make everyone happy, and there's no way to make her happy unless I spend every spare second with her, and I'm not going to do that. I don't know what to do with her, but I know that I'm giving up. I can't get anywhere with her”. Grace didn't say anything. Then she sighed. “Well, I'm not going to be the one to hurt her, I wasn't happy when she told me that you told her not to talk to me about her stuff anymore. That's up to me to say” Grace said. Sean sat there, he didn't want to fight with Grace. “Grace, its okay, this is between me and her, I don't want to fight with you, not after last night” he said. “Okay” Grace said. They hung up and Sean called Marissa.

“I'm busy, can this wait?” she answered. “not really” Sean said. “if you were busy you wouldn't have answered”. Marissa sighed and he could hear her moving around. “okay, what?” she said. Sean sighed. Then he thought of something, “Your sitting against your wall aren't you?” he asked. “Yep” Marissa answered. “So, sue me”. Sean ignored that, he didn't have the energy to fight with her today. “So, apparently you think I'm leaving you out” Sean stated. “Not apparently” Marissa said coldly. “I've tried Marissa, I don't know what else to do!” Sean said exasperated. “Why did you tell Grace that I told you not to tell her anything about that?” he asked. “She asked me how it was going, so I told her...” Marissa said quietly. “You should have just pretended that it was okay” Sean said. “Fine” Marissa said. “Marissa, I'm gonna leave you for awhile, let you get over this” Sean said. “Why? So you can go out with Grace in peace?” Marissa said, her voice breaking.

“Yes actually” Sean said.

Marissa hung up the phone still crying. She sat there for ages in tears then Grace rung, Marissa glanced at the phone before pressing 'reject'. She didn't want to deal with Grace right now. Marissa didn't want to deal with anyone at that point.

Later that night her mother called and apparently she had clearance to have Marissa for the holidays. Marissa normally would have made some excuse like having to find work, or wanting the summer to say goodbye to her friends, but she found herself saying yes. 'If her mother had clearance' she thought 'Then this summer should be okay'. Marissa's mother excitedly talked about planes and what they could do like her mother had never hurt her. Marissa pretended to care. Later she updated her Facebook Status to say that she was visiting her mother, Sean rung her again. “What the hell?” he said when she answered. “Huh? I thought you were leaving me?” she asked angrily. “You can't pretend that you care what I do when you say that you're leaving me”.Marissa said. “Well, why are you doing it?” asked Sean. Marissa shrugged “To get away from everything” Marissa said simply. “So you think that you should put yourself in danger to get away from me, and Grace and all that?” he said sounding concerned instead of angry.”I'm not putting myself in danger. If my mother got clearance than that should mean that everything should be okay” Marissa said. Sean sighed. “Marissa, you going away isn't going to change anything. Grace and I are still going to try to get together.” Sean said, “What I mean is that you shouldn't go just to get away from us, I mean when you come back its all going to be there” he said softly. Marissa nodded, “yes, but maybe by going away I can force myself to get over it.” Sean paused “Marissa? How long has it been since you've seen your mother?” he asked. “When I was 12 I think” she said. “So it really should be okay” she said firmly. “You don't have to worry...I know you don't want to worry about me” she said coldly before hanging up the phone.

Sean sighed as he put down his phone. He knew that something would happen. He couldn't understand why Marissa was going to see her mother again after all these years. But she was right, he didn't have to worry. Sean couldn't really blame Marisa for saying that he didn't have to worry because he knew that he had said it to her numerous amounts of times before.  He had always hated that he could never make her understand things. Little did he know that he might lose his chance to ever make her understand that he cared.

Marissa was having a good summer so far. Social services had insisted on weekly checkup's just to make sure that everything was going okay Marissa wasn't complaining. Her mother was asking about all her new friends, but Marissa didn't want to talk about it. Grace had called her a few times but Marissa hadn't heard from Sean. Of course Grace was talking to him daily. Marissa shrugged when she heard that. She pretended that she didn't care, but inside it was killing her. So when Marissa accidentally left a cup of water on the bench and her mother yelled at her for it Marissa just shrugged. That angered her mother who hit her. Marissa sat there, not caring what her mother did. Marissa's mother got angrier. “you selfish slut! You never do anything for anyone except yourself.” she slurred. That was when Marissa knew her mother had been drinking. “I thought you stopped drinking?” she said trying not to let her voice break. “You coming here made me start again”. Her mother said coldly. Marissa nodded “Alright I'll leave then?” she asked. “That's your solution isn't it?” her mother yelled. “Leave! That's what your father did, that's what you did when you were 12. Leave”. Marissa lost it. She had worked for nearly six years to convince herself that it wasn't her fault, and she couldn't let her mother make her believe that it was her fault. “I did what I had to do...In case your too drunk to remember, you tried to kill me, it was NOT my fault, you're the adult here, take some responsibility” Marissa said breathing heavily. She had never spoken back to her mother before and now she was afraid of the consequences. Her mother stepped closer and Marissa could smell the alcohol on her breath. “Pack your shit and get out of my house you little slut”. Her mother said. Marissa walked upstairs trying to stay calm. Sean was right, this was a bad idea. Marissa closed her eyes, trying not to cry.

Marissa's first point of call was to ring Social Services and tell them that someone needed to come and collect her. Then she rung her carer Dorinda to arrange to come home. She was in tears by that point. Marissa left and decided to wait at the shops. When Marissa had quietly come down the stairs her mother had fallen asleep. Marissa knew that she would get a phone call soon from her mother telling her how sorry she was and could they please try again? Marissa knew that that would never happen. Marissa was crying heavily without realizing and her old neighbor Mrs. Fraser came over. “You alright dearie?” she asked. Marissa looked at her and shrugged. “I remember when you were younger and your mother used to do the same thing...Why did you come back?” she asked. Marissa sighed. “I'm in love with my best friend who is in love with someone else” she said quietly. “Aha...And you thought that coming here would be better than dealing with it?” Mrs. Fraser asked. Marissa nodded. “Something like that”. Her phone started ringing and Marissa flipped it open. “Speak of the devil” she murmured. Mrs. Fraser smiled goodbye and wandered away. “Hi Sean” she said. “are you okay?” he asked worriedly. “Did Dorinda call you?” Marissa asked puzzled. Now Sean was puzzled, “No, I haven't heard from you since you left, and Grace said she'd only heard from you twice, so I thought I should call” he said confused. “Why, whats happened?” he asked.  Marissa filled him in on the story. “I'll be over as soon as you get home” he said. Marissa smiled “If that's what you want” she said “What the hell? Of course I do, your my closest friend, even better than Grace” Sean said gently . A car pulled up and her old case manager opened the passenger side door. “I'll see you when I get home, I gotta go” she said. “You take care Marissa” Sean said before she hung up.

Marissa got back at four the next morning and quite surprised to see Sean laying on her bed. She lay down beside him. He rolled over. “Hey” he whispered. Marissa smiled weakly. “Hi” she said, her voice breaking. Marissa started crying and Sean sat up. He pulled Marissa into his lap before holding her. “Hey, it's going to be okay” he whispered to her. Marissa cried for about half an hour before falling asleep. Sean lay her gently on her bed before curling up next to her and cuddling her. Sean quickly fell asleep.

Dorinda peeped in at around eight am. She smiled at Sean and Marissa. Dorinda liked Sean, he was Marissa's best friend. He knew how to make her smile. Dorinda had a wish (that she didn't hesitate in telling Marissa all the time) that Sean and her would fall for each other and start dating. Marissa would always smile, blush and say that there was no chance of that happening. Sean rolled over and saw Dorinda and smiled. Dorinda smiled back and pulled the door over. Sean tiptoed out of the room and went downstairs. He found Dorinda making a pot of coffee in the kitchen. “Morning” he said yawning. Dorinda smiled. “Hi Sean. Sleep okay?” she asked. Sean nodded. “yeah” he said. “Coffee?” Dorinda asked. Sean shook his head. “No Thank you” he said politely. Dorinda nodded. “Is she okay?” she asked, glancing above them. Sean thought, “I'm not sure, she fell asleep crying, but she's been asleep since then, I guess we'll have to wait till she wakes up”. Sean said. Dorinda nodded again. “Sean?” she asked thoughtfully. Sean glanced up, “Yes” he answered. “Do you love Marissa?” Dorinda asked. Sean thought for a moment (admittedly he had thought of Grace as soon as Dorinda mentioned the word 'love') “Yes, I do, why?” Sean asked curiously. Dorinda blushed. “Well...” she drew out. Dorinda sighed. “I kinda had this idea that you and Marissa would...You know fall for each other and yeah..” she said in a rush, embarrassed. She wasn't the only one, this had embarrassed Sean as well. “Dorinda has Marissa told you about Grace?” Sean asked cautiously. Dorinda looked puzzled, “I know Grace” she answered slowly. “Well, the thing is I've fallen for Grace, this summer we're seeing whether us dating is a good idea. I hope its a good idea, cause I really like her” he said, saying the last part more to himself than to Dorinda. “Does Marissa know this?” Dorinda asked puzzled. Sean nodded, “That's why she went to her mothers originally, to get away from it all” Dorinda turned and put her coffee mug down with a force. “That's why she went?” Dorinda asked, slowly turning back towards Sean, “Yeah, I told her not to go, but she wouldn't listen to me” Sean said, “Sean, I think you should leave, and I think you should leave Marissa alone, I'm taking her to her aunts so that she can be ready for university, I think you two should end this friendship, it's quite clear to  me that this is doing her more harm than good.” Sean sat there dazed. Dorinda was telling him to leave Marissa? 'Well, it would make things so much easier with Grace' he selfishly thought. He had enjoyed spending time with Grace this summer, in fact he was considering staying for another year to keep their relationship going. “Well, how do you think Marissa would handle this? I've tried to leave her, for her own happiness, and it didn't work. Do you know how to make this easier for her?” Sean said. He knew Dorinda knew what was best for Marissa, but he wanted to know that she'd be okay. “No, but if I know her, I know she'll be okay, Sean, I think you should leave before she wakes up”. Sean shrugged and walked out, he had always respected Dorinda, but he wasn't sure if she really knew what she was doing.

Marissa called him that night, “So, did you come over because you felt you had to? I can't believe that you told Dorinda that you hated me” Marissa said, Sean knew she was crying. “Ris” he said softly. Marissa paused. “Do you want Pizza? Oh, by the way Mum said she can't pick me up until at least eleven so we have some time to ourselves for...you know” Grace said coming into the kitchen. She saw that he was on the phone and ran out covering her laughter, “Oh, so that's why you want me to go” Marissa said, “Your....” she paused, working her strength up “Your relationship with Grace was always more important to you than me” she cried. “Do you remember when I asked you what you'd remember about this year?” she asked. Sean nodded, “Yes” he said. “I thought that you were going to say that you'd remember me, I mean, I am apparently your closest friend. But no, I knew you were thinking that you'd remember this year as the year you fell in love” she whispered softly before hanging up the phone and bursting into tears.

That was the last Sean had heard from Marissa until seven years later when he ran into her at his daughters childcare centre. Sean was thinking about that, when he went to pick her up from the airport. Marissa was staying with him, Abbey, and Kaitlin for 2 weeks. Actually technically it was him and Kaitlin, Abbey was staying with her mother for a week, as her grandfather had passed away. Sean saw Marissa  waiting at the carousel for luggage and he snuck up on her, “Boo!” he said grabbing her. The woman turned and it wasn't Marissa, she glared at him, “Security!! he assaulted me” the woman yelled, slapping him with her handbag. Sean put his hands up in a surrender position, “I thought you were someone else” he said apologetically. He turned and walked away. He sat down near Marissa's gate and checked the time, 'oh' he thought. 'the plane hasn't landed yet',  Laughing to himself. About five minutes later the loudspeaker announced that Marissa's plane was about to land. Sean stood up and wandered over near the door, Marissa walked through and glanced around, not seeing him right next to her. Sean poked her nose “Wha...” she said turning. “Sean!” she exclaimed hugging him. He spun her around. When he let go of her she steadied herself, before linking her arm through his and walking with him.  They got into the luggage area, “Wait, where's Kaitlin?” Marissa asked, “At daycare, we're picking her up after we get this” Sean said. Marissa nodded, she loved Kaitlin. Kaitlin was her God daughter, but Kaitlin actually called her 'Auntie Rissa'. She hadn't seen Kaitlin for about a year and a half. “How is she?” Marissa asked. Sean smiled, “Great”. Marissa smiled too, “You?” she asked. “I'm good, how about you?” he asked. Marissa gave him a smile, “I couldn't be better” Marissa said happily, Sean stared at her, “Oh! Why's that? Couldn't be a guy could it?” he asked teasingly. Marissa paused, “Maybe” she said teasing him back. Marissa poked his nose back. “Tell me about him” Sean said as they walked out of the airport. “Well, he makes me happier than I've ever been, I love seeing him....” she hesitated, “He's my best friend, he's amazing, beautiful, especially his eyes” she said laughing. Sean laughed at her, “He can't be that awesome?” he said pretending to be serious. “You know you are” Marissa said and she wrapped her arm around his shoulder. They laughed together, “You know you are as well?” Sean asked. Marissa glanced down. “Nah, not really” she said. “well, I think you are” Sean said seriously. Then he changed the topic, “So, tell me more about this amazing guy” he said smiling at Marissa. Marissa laughed and climbed into the car which Sean was holding the door open of for her. “Well....” she said.